


Hot Mic

by Zoya1416



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Hot Mic, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:03:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8272072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: The Emperor and his foster mother are watching the annual birthday review, and they don't realize something important.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In the US Donald Trump, Republican candidate for president, has said some truly vile things caught on a hot mic a few days ago. He's hideous, and still supported by so many here. This is the only way I can laugh about it.

*Hot Mic*  
**Shocking News Today**  
***Exclusive***  
The Vorbarra Sultana Tattler has come into the possession of a taped conversation between the Emperor and Countess Cordelia Vorkosigan, in a “Hot Mic” situation. You can access it by your comconsole at VBT.com/TheEmperorSpeaks

Yesterday at the Emperor's Birthday military review our Emperor Gregor Vorbarra was not a happy man. He apparently didn't know he still had a hot mic after his carefully crafted statement to us. Here are his uncensored comments:

Emperor GVB:God, this review is even longer than last year. How much longer can it possibly go on?  
CCV:It's going to be at least another hour, kiddo. They're not even through with the marching bands yet.  
GVB:They seem to have more this year.  
CCV:Yes, they increased the lottery numbers for the districts so there are 10 now, not six.  
GVB:Who—it was Vorpinnis wasn't it? He's the review coordinator. He's trying to make a bigger spectacle to get more money out of US, I'll bet. Dammit. I'll send ...mumble...talk to him.  
CCV:It's not a bad idea—they also mixed girl and boy students in the bands. First time.  
GVB:He's just lucky we don't use the Square anymore, that's all I have to say.  
CCV:Gregor!  
GVB:Kidding. My ass is numb.

CCV:By the way, do you think you'll ever get married?  
GVB:What! I have to get married, or Alys will strangle me in my sleep.  
CCV:Kiddo. Just let her know you're gay. They can do wonderful things with reproductive technology, you know. You just have to give her a sperm sam—  
GVB:Cor _delia!_ I'm not going to give a—why do you _always_ have to say things like this? If you don't shut up I'm going to—and I'm not gay, either!

(In the timestamped videos both are smiling and nodding to the parade.) 

CCV: Or asexual. Just tell Alys. It's not a crime, you know.  
GVB:God, _stop it,_ Cordelia!  
CCV: I'm just saying that on Beta we'd never have this problem if we had an emperor.  
GVB: You don't have an emperor, you've just had Steady Freddy for the last 30 years.  
CCV:I didn't vote for him!  
(Both are laughing, waving to the parade.) 


End file.
